Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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