true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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