Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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