im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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