after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
