Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
