You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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