did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
