You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
