Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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