Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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