but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
