I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
