true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
