i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
