I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
