Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
