Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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