i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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