Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
