I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
