I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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