God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
