she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
