Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
