I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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