just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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