Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
