You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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