We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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