we made out on top of his cat.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
