So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
