every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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