oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
