My first STD was from a foam party
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
