I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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