he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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