Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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