things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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