Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
