soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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