the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
