big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
