As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
