you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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