Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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