i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
