Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
