I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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