she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
