I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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