At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
