Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
