We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
