She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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