hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
