i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
