you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
