It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
