you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
